


Brittle Light

by Ramzes



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Don't copy to another site, Gen, character exploration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 21:59:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19071517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ramzes/pseuds/Ramzes
Summary: Sometimes, Aegon remembered that he had all but forgotten about Gaemon and felt guilt but the light was so enticing that he could not go back to the friend who had shared his shadows. Not yet.





	Brittle Light

It was odd to feel alive. It was… weird. But it felt pleasant. So very pleasant. Nothing could compare. Sometimes, Aegon felt as if he could only keep his eyes shut tight enough, he could revert time and undo it all. Bring them all back. Why not? Viserys had come back from the dead, so why not them?

He even stopped dreaming for a while. The dragon descending upon his mother. The desperate flight atop his dragon over a dark restless sea, praying that he was flying in the right direction and knowing that Viserys would pay for his escape. The first time he saw Baela after Moondancer’s fight with Sunfyre and wondered if the creature under the wraps was truly her. It could be anyone…

His court looked brighter than it used to. The sun was warmer. Everything was just… more. Once or twice, he even ordered Gaemon to pour him some wine instead of the usual water and noticed the boy’s surprise, although Gaemon did not say anything and it struck Aegon as weird. Out of the two of them, Gaemon was always the one who did the talking for both. He looked at his friend and was surprised to see how pale Gaemon’s face was, as pale as his hair.  “You’re ill,” he said, panic settling deep into his heart with the fear of a new loss. Which was ridiculous.  Gaemon was not about to die. He was just.., gaunter. More withdrawn. And he did not taste Aegon’s meals with the usual enthusiasm of someone who had seen too few of those in his early years. Why, he did not even look at the sweets!

“It’s nothing, Your Grace,” he replied but Aegon would hear none of this.

“If you haven’t gotten better until dawn, I’m summoning the Grand Maester,” he said, knowing fully well that the boy hated to be examined. His threat worked and Gaemon immediately started working on a piece of ham that Aegon had barely touched. Aegon smiled.

But in the morning, the boy looked no better. Aegon tried to rein his panic in as he sent for Munkun despite Gaemon’s grumbling.

The Grand Maester gave the King a reproachful look when he saw Gaemon in Aegon’s own chair in his bedroom but Aegon didn’t even bother to shrug it off. What should he have done? Having Munkun assess Gaemon in the antechamber where the boy slept, in the narrow bed he would not part with, despite Aegon’s oft repeated reminder that he would soon outgrow it? Before the eyes of the two Kingsguard standing at the inner door?

“As far as I can say, he is completely healthy, Your Grace,” the Grand Maester said. “Eating more won’t harm him, though,” he added and for a few days, Aegon took care to observe what and how much Gaemon ate, mistrustful of any reassurances; but when nothing bad happened and his cupbearer did not grow sicker, his mind turned again to the forgiveness and lightness of life that Viserys could give him. Sometimes, he remembered that he had all but forgotten about Gaemon and felt guilt but the light was so enticing that he could not go back to the friend who had shared his shadows. Not yet.

 

 

The second time he noticed Gaemon was when he _didn’t_ see him. When his cup was filled by a hand that did not know not to fill it so much. He looked up and saw that this was not Gaemon. Instead, he was served by one of his other companions, the ones he did not care to hear a word from. Opposite him, Daenaera watched the movements of the well-practiced hand with disapproval that mirrored Aegon’s own. Now, he realized that her unusual reticence might be due to this new presence. Daenaera had always liked Gaemon, liked to chatter and laugh with him and their joy of life and each other’s company had delighted Aegon.

“What are you doing here?” he asked without bothering with niceties. “I didn’t ask for you. Where is Gaemon?”

“Your Grace, I do not know. All I know is that the Lord Steward came to me and told me that I was to serve you at the table tonight.”

Aegon rose and strode for the door, his heart beating wildly. He threw the door open, startling the Kingsguard, and headed for the curtain hiding the narrow bed.

He saw no one.

“When did Gaemon leave?” he asked and the two men looked uncomfortable.

“I think he was here yesterday but…”

“I saw him this morning. Or was it yesterday indeed? I have long stopped noticing him…”

 _You weren’t the only one_ , Aegon thought.

“Find him!” he ordered.

Mervyn Flowers headed for the door but Amaury Peake stayed where he was. “Our oaths are to guard your life, Your Grace,” he said. “I cannot leave you alone...”

“Your oaths are to obey me, Ser Amaury,” Aegon cut him off icily. “You might be taking your orders from your uncle now but you forget… I won’t be underage forever. I will soon come to age and when I do, I’ll remember those who disregarded me.

His hatred for the man increased when the white knight followed his sworn brother without further hesitation.

Soon, the search overtook the entire Red Keep but finding Gaemon took the change of two hours. Finally, they spotted him in a courtyard, beaten so brutally that he couldn’t make it to the main buildings.

“Who?” Aegon demanded as he carried the light body to his chambers himself and to the horrified gasps of a few who had dared entered placed him in the bed of the Conqueror. “Who did it?”

“I didn’t see,” Gaemon whispered and Aegon did not believe him.

“I will discover it, one way or another,” he said and indeed, in less than a day he knew the details. The combination of threats and bribes could achieve much.

Those who had long envied the little bastard boy His Grace’s goodwill had finally had their revenge, now that Gaemon was cast aside and forgotten. And they were not even highborn – they were pages, servants, people whose station at court barely surpassed his. They couldn’t have hoped to win Aegon’s friendship, could they? Aegon’s guilt and remorse were overwhelming and for some reason, they were aimed at Gaemon as well. No one else at court had the power to make him feel like this. Almost the way he had felt when he had abandoned Viserys to his fate… But Viserys was now back, wasn’t he? And Gaemon owed everything to Aegon. Without him, he would have been at the lowest step of court life. And still, as he took care of Gaemon’s wounds himself and had him sleep in a comfortable bed in his own chamber, the warmth he had felt for his only companion of those years of anguish crept back – but alas, it could not pass onto Gaemon.

“I like seeing you like this, Your Grace,” he said. “Happy.”

But Aegon’s rising to the light seemed to be Gaemon’s descend to gloom and obscurity. And Aegon was powerless to stop it. He could not spare Gaemon the time and attention he once had. He could not give up on the illusion that the world could be righted again that Gaemon could not give him but Viserys could.


End file.
